Social Media and Blogging Fast for Lent 2014

I have never fully committed to a Social Media fast for Lent before. And certainly I have never fasted from posting on my blog for the entirety of Lent. Oh and choosing not to read blogs during Lent? Unheard of!! This year, however, it seemed an appropriate way to go.

Last year, Lent began so pitifully. And then, my whole life turned upside down.

I want Lent to be meaningful this year. I want to grow spiritually. There are some books I have at home that I bought with every intention of reading them, only to see them collecting dust on the bookshelf.

I also want to see what my life is like without being "tuned in" all the time to Facebook. I have an iPhone and I won't lie -- many times I can't imagine my life without the opportunity to share every cute little thing my kids say, or share all their accomplishments because I am so very proud. I share stuff here, I share it on Instagram and Facebook. I'm not as big into Twitter, but I'll turn that one off, too.

Lent begins tomorrow, Ash Wednesday.

I'll see you on the other side. Have a blessed and fruitful Lenten season.

Photo Found Here

Monday Mumbles - 69

I just realized I hadn't done a Mumbles post since a month ago! I am such a slacker.

1. Another snow day. Can I just tell you what a bad attitude I have these days about winter? Seriously. I am OVER. IT. For realz.

2. Stupid snow storm dumped another 5+ inches on us this weekend. And some stupid "polar vortex" thing is making the temperatures pretty much unlivable. i was out shoveling for all of 10 or maybe 15 minutes and felt like I had frostbite on my big toe! Came in and looked...it was definitely blue. Along with the tips of my fingers. And yes, I had gloves, socks, shoes, coat, hat...all that stuff on.

3. My kids are happy to be out of school. I told them they would be cursing this come June when they have to go to school for extra days then. I don't think they will truly appreciate what I said until those days get here and they still have to go to school.

4.

Photo Here

5. Blah. Blah. Blah.

6. So, my Jayhawks lost a game on Saturday night. They played pretty poorly. But because the two second place teams lost another game, it still means KU wins the Big 12 outright. I hope they play better in their next game because that performance Saturday was pretty ugly.

7. Sarah climbed the rope at Crossfit Friday night. She's been dying to do it, and so they went over the footholds for the ropes and afterwards, she climbed about three-fourths of the way up there. 

8. Oh! Potty-training has started with Vincent! He actually GOES in the potty MOST of the time. He hasn't had a diaper on in about 6 days now. He has pull-ups and sometimes his big boy underwear. He's had a couple of accidents, but as long as we remember to take him for the most part, he stays dry. Haven't had luck (yet) with #2...but I am so sick-excited about this. It has been almost 13 years that we've been "in diapers" at our house. I can't even tell you how it feels to think we could be on our way to being OUT of diapers!!

9. I actually cleaned my "monster" of a desk this weekend and our dining room area. We had lots of things that needed to be put away or thrown away. Those two areas of the house look much better now.

10. Well, I guess that's it. I'm kind of blah-blah-blah-ing through these today. I really hope the weather gets warmer soon. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder on a normal winter, so this long, cold winter is really doing a number on me. I'm ready to move on!


 

Gregory - A Year Now Has Passed

A year ago today I found out Gregory had died and went into the hospital that evening. I delivered Gregory into the arms of Jesus on March 1, 2013. Of course, his soul was already there from about 10 days before that, but the physical delivery is what happened a year ago.

A day never passes that I don't think about him and miss him. At least once an hour, I would imagine, I think of him. Losing him has shown me just how much I think about all of my children...it's a constant...and he's no different.

In the days following Gregory's funeral, Rebecca, my dear friend over at The Road Home and Gregory's godmother , sent me the following video from Mercy Me. I actually waited almost a week to watch it, but I was glad I did. It did make me cry then and it does now, too, but in a good way.

I stumbled upon this song by Daughtry a little later. It was so perfect and even now, feels that way still. I always imagine a little mini-Craig running around -- because most of my kids look like their dad as babies. But the words of this song are so true, "Not a day goes by, that I don't think of you, (Gregory)."

And this song, is for my "Precious Child."

It is now 5:00 and last year I was finalizing arrangements for the kids and making our way to the hospital. I had spent 5 hours coming to grips with the fact that I had carried my son 10 days further than his life had extended. And the sadness; it was overwhelming. And that heavy heart hung around for another 5-6 months.

But then, I finally felt able to breathe again. I remember it distinctly...about a week into August, I could finally breathe a full, deep breath and not feel like it might be my last. My youngest sister announced her pregnancy with her first child in October and I was shocked to realize it was the first time I was truly happy at the news of someone else having a baby. I was so grateful that God filled my heart again for someone else.

This afternoon, a package came in the mail. Of course, Rebecca and her husband were so very thoughtful and sent us a beautiful creation that could be hung from the chandelier in our dining room. Here are two pictures:

Aquamarine is the March birth stone

I'm glad there is a chandelier in this house :)

Craig and I spent some time at the cemetery today. You know, it would have been easy to pass on the Memorial marker. It was an added cost, and how often will we have time to go up there? But...I'm really glad we got it and that it was placed before the anniversary of his birth/death. We need it there. We need to have that place to go. It was good to visit there today and I know it won't be the last time we go there.

The Memorial Marker where Gregory was laid

I have received such an out-pouring of love and support from blog-readers, friends and family over the past year. I appreciate more than anyone can know that I was allowed to grieve openly. It's such a hard thing, I think, to grieve a child who never was able to be born, but it's important to acknowledge that person and everything he was and is to the parents and family. At this time, I am filled with gratitude at the empathy and understanding I have experienced from so many in the last 12 months: our priest, our parish and school community, our family and friends. Even our children here on Earth with us -- who had to watch their mother cry for much of the last year, were such a great support for me. And the counseling I received through my therapist was helpful and how could I forget my awesome doctor and his staff? They hadn't seen me since March 8 when I walked in there in November and they were so tender and caring with me and asked how I was doing.

2013 was a rough year and I experienced loss on a whole new level. But I was able to process it and get through it all (with amazing support) in a healthy way. I feel ready to tackle the future and know that I will never forget my baby.

Son of God GiveAway Results!

Thank you to everyone who participated in this Son of God Giveaway, sponsored by Grace Hill Media. I hope it was fun and I appreciate those of you who tweeted the blog or pinned it. And of course, I always love to get comments, so thank you also for commenting.

The movie comes out today, so go see it. :)

I'm not real high-tech over here, so I wrote each of the commenter's names from the post on slips of paper and put them in a container and had my wonderful husband pull a name out.

The winner is Maryann! Congratulations!

Here is a picture of what you'll be getting:

CD and Novel plus a 1000 piece puzzle

Maryann, I will be contacting you via e-mail to obtain an address where Grace Hill Media can send the this.

Thanks again to everyone for participating!
 

Weight Watchers Wednesday - 15

Happy Wednesday!

I was a bit nervous about attending my meeting and weighing in last week, but it turns out I had no need. I was down 2.8 pounds! That is just crazy talk! I have never been rewarded on the scale with a loss on a week where I stopped tracking. The receptionist asked if I was sticking to the Power Foods, and I thought that maybe I was...but since i hadn't tracked, i couldn't say for sure. Either way, I was very happy!!

I was worried that it would cause me to slack again on the tracking and I have to say...I had good reason to worry. I didn't track real-time this weekend...went back on Monday and tracked though. For some reason, on Saturday night I really wanted Guacamole from this restaurant that makes really good guacamole, so I had that for dinner. Plus some other things I probably shouldn't have had.

The only major change I have made has been to stop drinking Diet Coke. I asked Craig if he thought it would make that much of a difference and he said, "Yes." Man of many words, that Craig. So, I thought about it some more and then I thought about it again when I was tempted to get diet coke and I put it off. Who am I to argue with continued weight loss after a change like that?

My workouts have been good this week. I made it to the Y to workout while Dani swam Thursday, then Friday I went to Crossfit. Saturday I rested and Sunday I did an Indoor Triathlon. That was fun, but challenging, too. Monday I was back to Crossfit and Tuesday I ran on the treadmill at the Y. I'll make it to Crossfit tonight, too.

I feel like tempering my expectations this week since I had such a great week last week. I guess I shouldn't be surprised if I am up slightly because that usually happens after I have a week where I lost 2.8 pounds or something like that.

I guess we'll see! Until next week...

Photo Here

 

Keep the Joy Amidst the Grief

This week started kind of slow. And it doesn't appear to be speeding up much. Oh sure, we're just as busy as we always are. Work, School, workouts, activities for the kids, homework and we threw in beginning to potty-train Vincent into the mix, too.

I can't deny that Friday's date looms heavy on my my heart. I know we delivered Gregory on March 1, but February 28 was the day that I went in for the ultrasound and found out that Gregory had already died.

It's funny being a year removed. So much has changed...but so many emotions are still there, just buried and faded.

A year later, here I am, active, healthy, living my life with my family as full as I can with our busy schedules. I've lost about 43 pounds since last year, I've gotten heavily involved in Crossfit and am taking new challenges by the horns every day.

And I think...where would I be had Gregory not died? What if he were here with us? He would be about 7 months old, most likely starting some table foods, probably trying to crawl to keep up with Vincent. Financially, our family would be in a very different place as we would be juggling daycare for two small children (again) plus providing formula and diapers. Since Vincent is just now potty-training, we'd have two kids in diapers for quite a span of time which would also impact the financial situation. Emotionally, we'd be in a different place, too. We might not have the grasp on this Gift of Life that we do as a result of our suffering.

God has always provided the Grace to get through whatever came our way, whether it was another child, or a financial struggle, or emotional turmoil. I feel blessed that growing through suffering the loss of my child is possible. Of course, Gregory is not with us. And so, Vincent acts like "the baby" as he is. My other children do not think of Gregory often, or at least I don't know it if they do. And somehow, I find that I feel content with my status as a mother of five + 1 (in Heaven).

 

I remember the days and weeks following February 28 last year and sometimes the tears well up in my eyes as I remember how long I cried. For some reason, the other day, I thought of our first night at home after delivering Gregory and the loud sobs and the punches in the gut I felt all night and the ache in my heart that didn't go away. Even now, I can still remember quite vividly the feeling in my chest -- it was like a "silent scream" you might do when you are dreaming a bad dream that makes you scream/cry.

These days, I don't cry all the time. However, I think of Gregory every single day -- many times every single day -- but I don't cry every day for him. I have one of the plants we received from family in my office and one, received from Gregory's godparents, at home. Both plants, when I see them, remind me of my baby. It's a small miracle both plants are still alive since Craig and I have never been able to keep anything but our babies alive once they come home with us. I have Gregory's birth stone (March) on my Mother's Ring, so many times a day, I see it and I always think of him. I have the items the hospital sent home with us along with my letter to Gregory from the day after printed out. I have the pictures they took. I don't always pull them out, but every so often I will...just so that I can look at him.

As Friday draws closer, it seems I lack focus, but I suppose that is to be expected. I would imagine in the years to come, it will get a little better. Will I always want to take that day off work? Or will I be okay, over time, with keeping a normal schedule? I don't know. I plan to head up to the cemetery on Friday to see the Memorial that has been placed for Gregory there. Our visit is long overdue, but I'm grateful we'll actually know where he is now that the Memorial has been placed. Craig and I will spend the day together. The girls have school and I've arranged for the boys to go to daycare that day. We'll get a Crossfit workout in, go to the cemetery and maybe go to a movie or just hang out and do nothing.

I do miss Gregory, but at the same time, I find that I am grateful for the short time I did have with him. I remember those sweet, short months of thinking about whether he would be a boy or a girl. I still chuckle at the fact that I figured it had to be a boy because God knows how much symmetry mean to me and having three girls and then three boys would just be perfect for me. I had fun coming up with potential names (Victoria for a girl; I thought of Victor for a boy along with Gregory). I wondered what we'd do about our vehicle situation (Get a huge 12-passenger van? Or stick it out with the two vehicles we had?) and I thought about how we'd fit all three boys in one bedroom. 

Yes, we really did have some good times there, thinking of the future and planning for a new baby. I don't want to lose sight of the joy Gregory's pregnancy brought me. I may have been tired, but I was happy. We may have been (a little) surprised, but we spent 4 months in joyful expectation. God blessed us a sixth time. And like every other time, it was so much more than we could have ever have anticipated or felt that we deserved.

Son of God -- GiveAway!!

I'm hosting a "Son of God" GiveAway for Grace Hill Media. I know, not quite what you're expecting here on the ol' Endless Strength Blog.

The movie, "Son of God," hits theaters Friday and to accompany it and to support it, I am having a giveaway. Some of you may have watched the award-winning miniseries, "The Bible." The producers of that miniseries, Roma Downey and Mark Burnett, have produced this film to be released February 28.

I'm a "Jesus Movie Junkie" (my own term...at least I don't know of anyone else who might have used it). When I was a kid, after the first time I saw the movie, "Jesus of Nazereth" I watched it over and over every chance I could get. I did the same with "The Ten Commandments." I just love the movies. When "the Passion of The Christ" came out in 2003, Craig and I got a babysitter to go see it. I was pregnant with Dani at the time and we didn't get a sitter all that often. As a matter of fact, that is the only movie I saw in the theater for the span of most of that decade! I also got it on DVD and I usually watch it during Lent each year. I think last year I did not watch it, but was going through my own turmoil while grieving our baby, Gregory.

So, being a "Jesus Movie Junkie," when I first saw the trailer this past holiday season when I took my oldest two to see "Saving Mr. Banks" I knew I'd have to try and see the movie in the theater when it came out. Then, when Grace Hill Media approached me about doing a Giveaway, I knew I'd do it because...right that whole Junkie bit. :) The trailer makes the movie look well done and the miniseries received rave reviews. I look forward to seeing the movie!

On to the details of the Giveaway...

In honor of the film's release, Grace Hill Media will provide a winner from my blog a Giveaway package that will include: 

• A copy of the Son of God soundtrack
• The "Son of God" companion novel
• A 1000 piece puzzle -- fun for the whole family!

I am attaching a trailer for the movie for your viewing pleasure.

  

 

 To enter for your chance to win:

• Comment below
• Tweet out this post (comment that you've tweeted)
• Share my blog on your Facebook page (comment that you've posted to Facebook)
• Pin my blog on Pinterest (comment that you've pinned this post)

I will close entries Thursday at midnight and will post the winner on Friday, the day the movie is released in theaters.