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October 19, 2011

Funky Monkey

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months where you wish you could just be left alone?

I'm a fairly outgoing person.  I like to talk to people.  I like people to talk to me.  But lately, I haven't wanted to talk to many people and I've wanted to avoid having people talk to me.  

This includes my children to some extent.  I am short with them.  I rush them when they are trying to tell me something.  I avoid beginning discussions when it's about 15 minutes to bedtime to avoid having them stay up late and talk to me. 

An exception is Sarah.  I have been trying to talk to her more lately...I want to know what's going on at school...are the girls treating each other well?  Who did she eat lunch with?  What did she do at recess?  Does she like the book she is reading?

But for the most part, lately, I'd be perfectly content to sit on the couch and hold my almost-4-month-old baby all night long because, well, he doesn't talk yet.

Is this normal? (Of course it is...)

Don't get me wrong.  I still want to see my children and take part in their active lives.  I still want to see my husband and hang out and do something.  But I want to spend more time alone than WITH anyone.

It's not ALL the time.  

But it's the last couple of weeks.  

And maybe it will be the next couple of weeks and be gone.  Or maybe it will be longer than that and I will not notice it until it passes in 6 months and I have managed to alienate someone.

Or everyone.

Do you go through times where you prefer to be by yourself?

Perhaps I should spend that time in prayer...but even then, I don't really feel like spending time with God either.  (Oy, does that make me a heathen?)

I am feeling like I'm in a funk.  I'm back at work so my weeks feel like 5 days of going to work and then going to sleep all rushed together followed by 2 days of endless running around to church, school events, volleyball games...

I feel very selfish for what I am about to say:

I feel like I don't get a chance to do anything I want to do. 

Wow, I feel like the worst mother ever for saying that.

*sigh*

4 comments:

  1. First of all - prayers and hugs and a promise that you are an AWESOME mother :).

    I don't think it's that you *feel* like you don't get a chance to do anything you want to do, I think it is *that* you don't get to do anything you want to do. No matter how much we love our husband, kids, or job they all present things we *have* to do. Sure we love to do those things 99.99999% of the time, but sometimes we want to do what we want to do. And I think that is a sign that it's time to do something we want to do. If that means be by yourself, by all means, be by yourself. If that means a glass of wine with a girlfriend, have a glass of wine with a girlfriend (I'm available for wine via skype :)). If that means a date night with your husband, ask him out :). And it might mean missing something - a game or a bedtime or something. And you know what - that's OK.

    I give you permission to do what you want to do occasionally. Your children, coworkers, and husband will ultimately thank-you for it...and you will thank yourself for it too :).

    More hugs and prayers :).

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  2. I feel like this all the freakin' time. I long for community and friendship, but most of the time I'd just rather stay in my bed on my computer. The only people I enjoy talking to are my husband and mom. Pretty sad, huh?

    Perhaps it is because you are so busy and you really don't have any "just you" time. It will get better and don't for a second think you a bad mother or a heathen. You are an inspiration to me and I'm sure to many other women out there! Hang in there!

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  3. Normal. Perfectly normal feeling. Sometimes, I really enjoy going to the bathroom at work. I sit and close my eyes. LOL No kids are barging in, no husband is hollering questions from the other room, no phone is ringing, no text message coming in. Love it.

    Ask Craig for an hour each weekend. Either an early morning hour, or an early evening hour. No matter if it falls during breakfast or bath time or dinner time or clean up. Just take an hour, leave the house, and enjoy it. Coffee shop, book store. People watch, drink, read. It'll feel good.

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  4. Goodness! I feel exactly this way right now. I want to bury myself in a book or spend time writing, or just sleep. When our phone died this last week I was relieved because it meant I wouldn't be getting phone calls (my blog was recently discovered by my in-laws, so I've had more phone drama than usual). I feel like I'm a decent mom to the babies, who just need cuddling, nursing, silliness and diaper changes, but I feel overwhelmed by the older two who need to talk. So far I'm getting 2 hours to myself each week to either go to my counsellor or head over to my husband's office and sit in quiet. Let me know if you find any other solutions.

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Thank you for reading. I enjoy reading other perspectives, please feel free to share yours. :)