I am on vacation from work this week. I am trying to get some much needed work around the house done. Of course, here I am taking a break...while the work -- ahem -- sits undone.
I feel kind of lost sometimes when it comes to this blog. Most of the time, I don't mind if anyone or everyone reads it. I pray that the words I write are helpful, provide some insight into who I am and perhaps help someone else. Other times, I feel restricted because anyone or everyone MIGHT read it and I might over-share in that respect.
Lately, certain feelings and experiences have caused me to withdraw. I don't want to "put it out there" for people because I'm not comfortable with "it" at all. I wonder if anyone else is going through similar things, but I also wonder if I should just suck it up and get over it because that is what everyone else does.
I guess I'll just leave it at this.
Marriage provides some unexpected and confusing challenges at times.
Keeping a house neat and orderly seems almost impossible...all the time.
Raising pre-teens is not for the faint of heart. And mostly, regardless of what you (the parent) do or say or ever thought about raising a pre-teen girl -- it is heart-wrenching at times and very difficult to watch them find their way. But you have to watch. You have to stand back and let them learn to make their own decisions, handle their problems, learn who their friends are, learn who they can trust. And then, when they are crying, when they are heart-broken, you have to remind yourself that this is ALL NEW to them, it's their first time feeling this way and they don't care whatever you went through 25 years ago, so you remind yourself that as much as it is the same...it is different and you keep your mouth shut and pat them on the back and give them a hug.
I don't know exactly what the homework was that my children completed - but I need some reassurance and confidence that the fact that they DID it is all I need to know and I'm not causing them a future full of misery because I can't be there guiding them through all of it every step of the way.
Oh yeah, and I wonder if anyone can provide a little bit of reassurance that Helen will be okay if most of her reading is done on her own. I don't know how I was able to spend so much time reading with Sarah in the 1st and 2nd grade. I just don't know how I did it. I am finding it nearly impossible to do it with Helen in the 1st grade now. :( The good news is that her sisters are willing to step in (and as long as they can do so without coming off like a sibling-turned-overbearing authoritarian, it is fine).
And my boys...They have spent more time in out of the home childcare than the girls put together. I know they are well-cared for. But sometimes, I just have this uncertain feeling that they are getting the shaft, parental attention-wise.
But, I don't often spend much time second-guessing my parenting decisions.
Who has time for that?
God be with them each and every day and comfort my weary heart all night. Amen.
Okay...off to get some of this undone work done.