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September 10, 2012

Ramblings of an Over-Worked Mama

I am on vacation from work this week. I am trying to get some much needed work around the house done. Of course, here I am taking a break...while the work -- ahem -- sits undone. 

I feel kind of lost sometimes when it comes to this blog.  Most of the time, I don't mind if anyone or everyone reads it.  I pray that the words I write are helpful, provide some insight into who I am and perhaps help someone else.  Other times, I feel restricted because anyone or everyone MIGHT read it and I might over-share in that respect.

Lately, certain feelings and experiences have caused me to withdraw.  I don't want to "put it out there" for people because I'm not comfortable with "it" at all.  I wonder if anyone else is going through similar things, but I also wonder if I should just suck it up and get over it because that is what everyone else does.  

I guess I'll just leave it at this.

Marriage provides some unexpected and confusing challenges at times.  


Keeping a house neat and orderly seems almost impossible...all the time.

Raising pre-teens is not for the faint of heart.  And mostly, regardless of what you (the parent) do or say or ever thought about raising a pre-teen girl -- it is heart-wrenching at times and very difficult to watch them find their way.  But you have to watch.  You have to stand back and let them learn to make their own decisions, handle their problems, learn who their friends are, learn who they can trust.  And then, when they are crying, when they are heart-broken, you have to remind yourself that this is ALL NEW to them, it's their first time feeling this way and they don't care whatever you went through 25 years ago, so you remind yourself that as much as it is the same...it is different and you keep your mouth shut and pat them on the back and give them a hug.

I don't know exactly what the homework was that my children completed - but I need some reassurance and confidence that the fact that they DID it is all I need to know and I'm not causing them a future full of misery because I can't be there guiding them through all of it every step of the way.

Oh yeah, and I wonder if anyone can provide a little bit of reassurance that Helen will be okay if most of her reading is done on her own.  I don't know how I was able to spend so much time reading with Sarah in the 1st and 2nd grade.  I just don't know how I did it.  I am finding it nearly impossible to do it with Helen in the 1st grade now.  :(  The good news is that her sisters are willing to step in (and as long as they can do so without coming off like a sibling-turned-overbearing authoritarian, it is fine).

And my boys...They have spent more time in out of the home childcare than the girls put together.  I know they are well-cared for.  But sometimes, I just have this uncertain feeling that they are getting the shaft, parental attention-wise.  

But, I don't often spend much time second-guessing my parenting decisions.  

Who has time for that?  

God be with them each and every day and comfort my weary heart all night.  Amen.

Okay...off to get some of this undone work done.

 

6 comments:

  1. Yes, I am with you. I understand.

    (There are things I will write in your comment box that I wouldn't write on my own blog, lol, shesh, I don't want my husband, kids, family, or boss to see some of the things I wish I could say.)

    Marriage is REALLY HARD. We make it work the best we can. Sometimes it is only for the kids sake! Argh, if I wasn't Catholic and didn't have kids... I would probably be single.

    Your house is not the only messy one.

    I constantly feel that my kids don't get enough attention. I hardly have time to take a shower or to pay my bills let alone read with my 6 year old. I have to entrust her to the "system" and pray that she turns out OK.

    Impending Pre-teen hood is scaring the crap out of me.

    Working full time in a new job is really hard. Most career-moms don't embrace Humanae Vitae values at their Fortune 500 companies.

    Can you break away at work ever to go to a local noon Mass during lunch? This is very difficult to do, I know, but at the times when I am completely overwhelmed, (like last week), this REALLY helped with some much needed peace and perspective. (And to actually enjoy Mass without the toddler, crying baby, fidgeting 1st grader, and nagging husband, PRICELESS!)

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  2. I'm not sure what it is, but it seems that there are a lot of mamas feeling this way right now. I know I am. Overwhelmed, overworked, tired.

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  3. I am with you all too. Things just seem harder than usual lately. I know it will be ok in the end, but hanging on is hard work.

    Keep your chin up, you are not alone.

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  4. I am always surprised that more of your posts don't say things like this - NOT because you aren't awesome, because you TOTALLY are! Rather, because I'm in awe at how much you get accomplished and all that you do - AND how awesome your kids are.

    I can't keep a house clean, my marriage has it's own issues, and, while I don't have tweens, I do have 3 animals who do what they want instead of what I tell them to do...the fact that you manage a household with 7 HUMANS in it (most of whom require your full attention) AND don't lose people, manage to eat 3 meals a day, AND still be an awesome friend to me, well, you're my hero, let's just put it that way (Oh, and you work full time too ;).

    I can only imagine that any time of change (school starting up again) is immensely challenging and while I have no advice, just know I love you and I'm praying for you.

    And I can guarantee a fun, relaxing weekend come December 1 :)

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  5. I'm also surprised that you don't write thing like this more often. You seem to have everything so under control all the time! But it is a relief when blog people talk about their problems a little instead of just writing about all the good things. That can be really discouraging reading ten different blogs about how they have great marriages, their kids are awesome, their house is clean, and they just put a meal on the table they made completely from scratch. All I start thinking is "boy, I sure do suck at life". Anyway, hang in there and know that you are a huge encouragement to everyone that reads your blog!

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  6. I TOTALLY write things in comment boxes that I would NEVER write on my blog.

    Let me tell you this: marriage is hard, hard, hard work. There is no amount of praying that is going to keep my husband from being a jerk at times, but at least I can pray for the strength to ignore home when he is. Just an example.

    I try to be as honest as I possibly can on my blog, because i think that painting a rosy picture ican actually bring other women down instead of lifting them up. However, since I told my parents and a couple of my sisters-in-law about the blog when I started 4.5 years ago, I have to be careful. I am SO glad that I didn't tell the neighborhood ladies !

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Thank you for reading. I enjoy reading other perspectives, please feel free to share yours. :)