--- 1 ---
It's the first time we've had a Pope named Francis. I am really excited about our new Pope. I would be excited about any Pope, I know, but I think it's so very awesome that he took the name of Francis. I am floored that we haven't had a Francis before. It seems like a perfect name for a Pope. But maybe we haven't had one before because it's the perfect name for THIS Pope. It was emotional to learn of his election and then wait to meet him on T.V. Wednesday. Oh, who am I kidding...everything is emotional for me these days. It brought me a feeling of peace to learn the name he chose.
--- 2 ---
Wednesday was my first day back to work. I walked in. My chest got heavy, I needed deep breaths and I wanted to walk right back out. I didn't know how to prepare myself to go to work, and so...it hurt my heart to be there, not pregnant, seeing everyone and everything I had seen for the last time not knowing that Gregory had died. I entered my office and put my things down and just walked out around the perimeter of my floor, breathing deeply, tearing up a little, telling myself, "I have to go back to work sometime. It's never going to be easy. Just get through today." I fought back the tears at that point. I grabbed my rosary and wrapped it around my wrist and held onto the Crucifix for dear life.
--- 3 ---
I went to Confession for the first time since Gregory died on Wednesday. It was weird and I hope to write more clearly about it. But, I hadn't been since December 4 and it is Lent so I knew I needed to go. While I hadn't spent much time in the past two weeks sinning, I had stuff I just knew I needed to confess from before that time. But, when life changes so dramatically, so quickly and so traumatically, it's hard to remember. I think that is why I had always gone to confession right before going in for inductions with my other children. It just seemed right to labor and deliver with a clear conscience and a pure soul. Confessing wasn't really on my mind before we went into the hospital to deliver Gregory, though.
--- 4 ---
I actually made it through a Rosary for the first time since Gregory died on Wednesday. When I packed before we went to the hospital to deliver him, I packed my Bible, my Shorter Christian Prayer book and my Rosary. I tried a few times to pray, and even though I know all the words to all the prayers of the Rosary, they just wouldn't come. On Wednesday, when I left work, I went straight to Church and pulled out my Rosary. I cried heavily, but made it through the Glorious mysteries. I even made it through a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, too. In hindsight, I think I really really needed that prayer and the fact that I prayed it is probably what helped me get to confession a little bit later.
I wrote my first thank you note. Well, it is really a letter. It turned into four pages. It's to my doctor. You know, I always think I should write and thank him for everything after I've had a baby, but that's about all I've ever done...think about it. Yesterday, I sat down with my pen and my paper and I wrote him every bit of thanks that I thought I owed him. I felt the need to thank him for sharing in our sorrow as well as our joy in our lives. I can't imagine going through pregnancy, birth and...now (sadly), a loss of a child without him.
This is my first time writing Quick Takes since we lost Gregory. I'm trying to get back into some semblance of a routine. About the only thing that is routine so far is that every time I do something for the first time since we lost Gregory -- doesn't matter how mundane or how big time it is -- it is hard. So. Incredibly. Hard. As much as my life changed the minute my children have been born, my life changed that much, and then some, the day we lost Gregory.
I am linking up with Jennifer Fulwiler at Conversion Diary today.