How is it possible to love you so much
When I never saw you smile, or heard your sweet cry?
I never even felt you move,
Or felt your hand wrapped around my finger.
There are so many things I miss about you already...
I miss the snuggles I'll never get from your face on my chest.
I miss the cries that won't wake me in the middle of the night.
I miss saying, "Bless the baby!" because I'll never hear your baby sneezes.
I miss the giggles and the laughter you'd surely share with your brothers and sisters.
Sometimes the tears just well up in my eyes.
And I don't want to stop them.
Not that I could.
Sometimes I just sigh...for no reason...take a huge breath and...
Let it out.
Sometimes I am irritated by everyone because I can't just sit still and miss you.
Most of the time, I am sad. Just so very sad.
The books I read tell me someday the sadness will lessen.
But right now, I don't know how that can be.
I put on a smile and I face each day.
I put one foot in front of the other.
It's been my mantra for so many years now,
And only now, since I lost you, my son,
Does my heart understand how truly difficult that can be.