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November 8, 2013

7 Quick Takes - 67

A great big thank you to Jennifer Fulwiler for hosting! I have some thoughts I keep wanting to turn into blogposts, but I haven't found the time or been able to make a whole post. So, that is what these 7 quick takes posts are for, right!?!

--- 1 ---

"She looks so good for having had five (six, eight, four, insert-any-number) kids!"

What, prey tell, is this supposed to mean and why do people say it so often? Is it that society thinks having children is supposed to make women look...hmm...not good? I mean, what is the deal? Granted, I look different than I think I would look if I hadn't carried six children. But I'm not sure I'd look all that much better than I do. 

Or if a woman looks good, a person might say, "Cannot believe you had five (six, eight, four, insert-any-number) kids!" Because apparently women cannot remain fit through the process. 

I guess it all comes down to our society's view of pregnancy as a sickness or a disease. It's something to prevent at all costs. Maybe.

--- 2 ---

I know losing a baby the way we lost Gregory is nothing at all like an abortion. I say that because I want you to know...I do know that. However, sometimes I start thinking about women who choose to terminate a pregnancy at the stage where I was with Gregory and/or beyond. And, I do a bit of mourning for those children and praying for those moms. 

Our society is kind of cruel with interrupted pregnancies (both miscarriages and abortions). It seems like society (particularly those who camp on the pro-choice/pro-abortion side) thinks a woman should easily "get over" an abortion. And, to be honest, I've run into my fair share of folks who, I do not think, understand that I am still grieving the loss of my son at almost 20 weeks gestation.

I know it has more to do with the fact that, in general, personhood is not assigned to babes in the womb. Of course, many of us on the pro-life side of things believe that's a baby with a soul and all that jazz...but every day, I come into contact with people who think it should be easy enough to move past a loss of a pregnancy. You can tell this in the comments people make, and even in the lack of compassion in their faces...or maybe just confusion. 

Regardless, I find myself hurting for women who are so scared to carry a baby to term...and then take the drugs or have the procedure to abort their child and are confused at their feelings of loss. There is help for them, of course, but many of them do not know it's available or how to find it.

--- 3 ---

I had occasion to re-read my 7QT post on personal discernment from a few weeks ago. I remember how hard it was to get to the place where I could write that post. and I think about the growth I have experienced since then. I really should write about it some more. There is this whole other life on the other side of having the babies that I am now starting to experience and also look forward to. And I am starting to feel less sad about it. I continue to move toward a good place of acceptance. When I stop to think about it that way, it's kind of surreal.
--- 4 ---

The girls' parent-teacher conferences were yesterday and I couldn't be more pleased. I'm happy that Sarah has found a good place. She's restored her confidence, now understands how her teachers operate and what they expect, and she's not afraid to step in and take charge. I have always seen leadership capability in Sarah, but it's nice to hear her teachers see it, too. And, I'm so excited that she seems to have a knack for writing! It pleases me to see some of her qualities that are similar to my own...it's fun to have stuff in common with her. 

Dani continues to blossom with her writing and reading as well. Her teacher was pleased with her report she recently presented. Dani reads so well and has lots of points in the AR reading program. She loves getting really big books and doing really well on the AR tests.

And guess what. At Helen's conference...probably three different times her teacher said, "Helen is a hard worker." Now, I know I have mentioned before about Helen being my mini-me. And I know that I don't talk all that much about being a "hard worker" or that I was always noted as a "hard worker" growing up. So when I heard her teacher say that multiple times during the conference, I just had to smile. My baby girl -- just like her Momma -- a hard worker. :)

--- 5 ---

We are getting our family pictures taken Saturday. I asked Craig's sister to do it for us. She is a really good photographer and has taken really great pictures of her grandchildren. Praying that the forecast for tomorrow pans out and it really is sunny and 61 degrees.

--- 6 ---

I volunteered to assist in the coaching of Helen's basketball team this year. I'm not sure what I was thinking...but, it really should be fun. The little kids have so much to learn! Besides, it will give me extra time with Helen -- and well, I think you can imagine, she just LOVES that idea. 

After I offered to do it, I realized it is probably for the best. I am a little intense on the bench at basketball games and this will require me to keep my cool and stay reserved while I'm on the bench at the games. 

--- 7 ---

Sarah's volleyball team wrapped up regular season games the other night. It's been quite the learning experience for her playing 8th grade ball this year, I think. But she has worked hard and improved. We aren't doing club volleyball this year, but she is going to let me know if she wants to play rec league through the winter or take a season off to focus on school and then maybe pick up again in the summer. It's so much fun to watch her play.

It's a 3-day weekend, so I hope you all have a great one! Be sure to go check out Conversion Diary for more 7 Quick Takes Posts!



  1. I hope your pictures come out great! It's fun to take them outside.

  2. I really needed to read #2 this morning. I find it so incredible that your loss has filled you with compassion for these women rather than loathing. Earlier this morning I was having a hard time thinking about support groups for women who "lost" a child early due to poor prenatal diagnosis and subsequent abortion. But clearly I should be filled with sorrow for them and the extra layers of healing that are needed in such situations.

    Thanks for the incredibly timely shove to a holier way of thinking about this and praying for the couples who have made such choices.

  3. I must say #1 makes me a little crazy. I get that A LOT and never know if I should feel flattered or insulted. "You look great for having 6 kids" They always have to add that last part. Always. Can't I just look great regardless of how many kids I have. My brain always translates it to "you look great, but you'd probably look a lot better if you had popped out all those kids".

  4. #1 is very interesting, and I don't think that I ever thought of it in that context, the way that we see pregnancy as a disease. But I think you are so right!

    Hope the pictures go great, and I can't wait to see some! :)

  5. #1 is such a weird one... I feel like people think it's a really good compliment? Because it's awkward just to say, "Wow, you look great!" in general, but putting it in the context of the children who *should* be making you fat and haggard maybe seems like more of a compliment than it is? I don't really get it... But I'm sure I've said it to other women!

  6. There are times I can tell that some people get tired of me talking about my miscarriage. Some people just don't understand.. and I understand that it's a difficult subject to talk about or comprehend, but still... it frustrates me.

  7. What a good point you bring up in #1. I suppose I've thought this and said this plenty but never easy meant it in a bad way. It's usually in a comparative to how I think I look and feel after having babies. Which isn't a good thing to do either I admit.
    The body does change so much after babies! But maybe that's not always a bad thing...


Thank you for reading. I enjoy reading other perspectives, please feel free to share yours. :)