I attended the At Work meeting today and weighed in for September at 159.8. That is 0.6 more than last month's weigh-in, but still under my goal weight of 160.
I have been thinking a lot about this weight loss thing the past week. Mostly, I have been thinking about my mindset before and my mindset now.
You know what? I used to be one of those people who would say, "BMI is crap. That is an unrealistic weight for someone with my build and my height." Or, I would say, "I just can't get under 170 pounds. It's just impossible."
I would say those things because I hadn't achieved that BMI in a healthy way in all of my adult life. And honestly, I think my peak fertility must be somewhere under 170, because any time I did actually lose enough weight to be under 170, I got pregnant as soon as we tried.
When I think back to how my mindset, I am sad at how defeated I must have been. I had been overweight for so long, that I had simply convinced myself that God made me this way, and I should just be happy with myself.
In the meeting today, the topic turned toward "What brought you to Weight Watchers?" or what was the main motivation or the catalyst where we decided, "Hey, I'm going to (re)join Weight Watchers and lose this weight!"?
As I reflect on this last time that I rejoined Weight Watchers, I focused on what was going on:
- On October 31, it had been 8 months since we lost Gregory
- Craig and I had discerned through prayer and time and tears that our family is complete and we wouldn't be trying to conceive anymore
- I had surgery that would correct a personal physical issue I suffered
- I had committed to CrossFit and was planning to start November 1 (6 weeks post-surgery)
I may have written this before, but my commitment level as I rejoined Weight Watchers on October 31 last year is unlike anything else I had to grab ahold of before that. I had joined Weight Watchers several times in the past 15 years as well as attempted other diets to try and lose weight...but never before last year did I have that desire burning inside.
Honestly, I didn't know if I could do it. I worried I would fail yet again. For the first time, I followed the WW leader's advice and set my first goal for just 5 pounds. Then I set it for 10% body weight, then I kept chipping away with manageable goals. Then, I was amazed when I'd hit the healthy range and maintained it for 6 weeks and achieved Lifetime Status.
And now, I'll be honest with you. I am shocked when I realize I have maintained for four months. Every time I have ever lost weight in the past, I have either gotten pregnant or gained weight within two months of getting to a good weight. Right now, every month, my goal is to get to the next month and still weigh-in at or below my goal weight. I haven't even contemplated "a year at Lifetime." Just "one more month." And every month, I'm happy that I've made it one more month.
I share this with you all because I think sometimes it's easy to forget that the person you see in front of you was the person she used to be. I used to be that woman who thought she was destined for an overweight existence. I used to be that woman who thought she couldn't face another day of shopping and being disappointed when nothing she liked fit. I used to be that woman who worried that her health would fail her at some point and leave her husband and children to move on in life without her.
Now, I see that it was possible and always was possible. Now, I still don't shop much, but it's not because I'm afraid of the dressing room. Now, I continue to make healthy lifestyle choices and I teach my children. I was so proud of Helen recently when she turned away a second helping and had slowed down her eating and told me, "I don't want any more. I feel full." Over the course of these last few months, Helen and I have had several talks about healthy choices, eating slowly and listening to our bodies. If I can say in 20 years that my baby girl (who is my mini-me in so many ways) has ventured on in adulthood at a healthy weight with a healthy body image intact and good healthy habits -- oh my gosh -- I believe that will be one of the main successes from this endeavor of the past year.
So, yeah. 4 months at Lifetime with Weight Watchers. Here's to the next monthly goal.